Roomies

I've been doing a lot of thinking back on my college years lately. In particular, I've been thinking about my roommates. In my 4 years of college and my mission I had 25 different roommates - all of them wonderful people. Of course, we always had our share of misunderstandings and the normal dramas that occur between college age girls, but I have really wonderful memories of all of my roommates and mission companions. I've come up with a list of lessons I learned from them and with them that have greatly impacted my life.  FYI, most of the items on this list were learned the hard way.

Everything I Need to Know About Getting Along With People Who Didn't Grow Up in the Same House as I Did, I Learned From My Roommates

• Listen and make others feel heard. No one likes to talk with someone who doesn't really listen. Interrupting to change the subject is a dead give away that you aren't listening.
• Don't ever make someone feel ugly or stupid or unwanted.
• Organization is a wonderful skill. Learn it from anyone you can!
• Supporting people in their endeavors is a tremendous demonstration of love.
• If you have a problem with someone, talk it over with only the person it concerns. Discussing issues with anyone else usually does much more harm than good. Chances are, the person has no clue that he/she is bugging you.
• We all have mothers or mother figures in our lives. It's best not to attempt to mother our peers. It leads to resentment.
• Think before you speak. Once you've said it, even if you didn't really mean it, you can't take it back.
• Don't expect others to cheerfully pull your weight for very long. Pull your own weight and do what you say you're going to do.
• Unless you have a reason to not share your stuff, share your stuff. Or at least be very clear about what you are and are not willing to share with others.
• No matter how unpleasant the topic, there is always a way to say what you need to say without being offensive. It's called tact.
• Assume that any personal information someone shares with you is to be kept confidential. Let them decide who they want to know about such personal things. Even if it's good news. If you want to share it with someone else, get the source's permission first.
• When it comes to conflicts you have two choices: 1) Talk it out, 2) Get over it. Doing anything else is counterproductive and damaging to relationships.
• If someone has some issues to resolve with you, that doesn't mean they hate you or don't like you anymore. Take it for what it's worth, make some reasonable changes, and enjoy greater harmony.
• Once an issue has been resolved, be done with it. Move on. Don't bring it up anymore. Don't continue to pout or punish someone for something that is over.
• Give everyone room to make mistakes. They're all just as human as you are, and sometimes all they need is a hug.

Living with roommates really helped prepare me for living with mission companions (who you are literally with 24/7 for months at a time). Living with mission companions really helped prepare me for living with my husband. I'm interested to find out one of these days how living with roommates' different personalities has helped prepare me for raising and living with my children.

I love each of my roommates and companions for different reasons. There will always be a special place in my heart for each one of them. I feel gratitude, admiration, love, and concern for them all. We're scattered throughout the country now, and over the years our lives have changed and we've lost the closeness we once had, but there will forever be a unique roommate bond. A bond created by late night talks, lots of silliness, dramas, traditions, tears, shared dreams, frustrations and many more things I can't list. My roommates became my college family. They were the ones there to hug me and let me cry to them after heart-wrenching break-ups. They baked me birthday cakes. We huddled around the TV together for 4 days watching the news coverage of the Sept. 11th attacks. We prayed together. My mission companions kept me sane and positive through some of my most disappointing and challenging times. We worked hard, prayed hard, studied hard, and did the best we could to try to make the world a better place. They made me laugh, feel appreciated, and were patient and forgiving with me when I was slow, or did or said dumb things. All 25 of these wonderful women have all made me a better person, and I can't help but love them for it.