That was not the first time I've ever felt like that, nor will it be the last, because I'm just not good at fashion, but it did get me thinking about jealousy and envy. I looked at all those cute, fashionable ladies and wished that I looked more like them. I didn't feel angry at all or wish a curse of ugliness to befall them, I just became suddenly more aware of my own shortcomings in a way that kind of hurt.
I'm not fishing for compliments here because I think I have a pretty healthy amount of self-esteem most of the time, but I would like to know your thoughts about jealousy, envy, comparing yourself to others and how you deal with those kinds of feelings. I know that's something extremely personal to be asking you about, especially on a blog, but I'd really like to know what you think. You don't have to get very specific or anything and you don't even have to leave your comment here. You send me a message on Facebook or you can email me at: tuckerjwest(at)hotmail(dot)com
I'm excited to read what you have to say!
8 comments:
Okay, now I'm in a mess...I just wrote a comment on my computer, published it, and then realized it says it's from Jeff Bell ! So, I think I deleted that, and I'm writing it again under my own name (I hope.) I think this is a good thing to talk about and I am choosing to respond by emailing you, not because I think it is necessarily private, but because it maybe too long.
Julie I was thinking about this the other day and was struggling about what exactly to say because I wanted to post it on my blog. I will come up with something and if I feel comfortable with putting it on the blog or not I will let you read it some how. :)
I'm with ya girl! I feel as though I have a pretty good sense of self worth and self esteem but every once in a while I find myself "comparing", I guess it's not always a "I wanna look like her" type of thing but there is still a bit of "jealousy/envy" there! My old young woman leader gave me the best advice at one of my baby showers right before I had Porter! She said "Never compare your baby to anyone else's. Your baby will do it's own things and other's will do there's. If you compare and think your baby has something wrong because he isn't doing what Sally's baby is doing then you will find you will never be satisfied." I really liked that because it is so true, especially when you have a baby you find yourself comparing even your child to their's or even how cute their diaper bag is why isn't mine that cute, or they look like they lost all their baby weight..etc.. I found that when moments like these happen and I recognize that they happen I try really really hard to first stop thinking like that, second (sounds cheesy) but I try to think of things I like about myself, or things I have been blessed with recently and it as I sit their and "count my blessings" so to speak, I find the feelings of jealousy/envy tend to sneak their way out. I find I am happy to me and I am very blessed to be me. :)
*Hope that helped. Sorry if it was a little straight forward.
This is a fascinating post, as per usual, Julie. I think first I have to say what my meaning of Envy is verses what my meaning of Jealousy is. For me jealousy is a normal human feeling, wishing or hoping you had something someone else had, while knowing you are being irrational/unreasonable, and not hoping for bad will on said person. While Envy is that plus wishing bad will on the said person. For me Jealousy happens all the time in passing, whether it be in the grocery store, (oh I wish I was that thin) or at the movies (oh I wish I had that top, I am so jealous!) while Envy while still happens with me (not that I am proud of that) is more when I am frustrated that someone who to me is not a good or decent human or has wronged me or my family and then gets something good. Like lets say someone gets a excellent high paying job at a great company, but you know you have worked harder longer and are all in all a better person, candidate ect. but you didn't get it. (or in some cases even try) Feeling envious, you wish bad will on that person. (not necessarily meaning it) that is envy in my book.
ok I feel like I am rambling but I like this topic. Its very interesting. Thanks for the food for thought!
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I like this post Julie... It brings up good questions. We will have to talk about this next time we chat.
ps. I'm sorry my phone hung up on you the other day! It completely died out of nowhere and now it won't recharge... so I'm without a phone for the next few days until I take it into the store and get it fixed. I'll call you back when I get it fixed.
I have experienced that exact same thing, several times. I've come to realize that with every woman I've talked with about this has this same issue. Even the ones who do spend hours primping themselves. It made me realize that no matter the age, situation or place we are all in the same boat. I've made big efforts to stop comparing myself to others and I try really hard to find the beauty in others and make sure that I'm more vocal about it. It's made me less jealous, having less self pity and less critical of myself and others. I also try hard to be more confrontational with other girls when they are being too critical of themselves and of others. We are all beautiful in our own way and we aren't competing! We should all be friends!!!
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